Haikyuu! (Various) x Reader Oneshots
by CloudyCloudyMoon
Summary: requests are open but i might not accept all! some of your favourite Haikyuu! characters in various situations, and you are included in all of them! I mainly write angst but occasionally I write fluff! enjoy! DISCLAIMER: I don't own Haikyuu!
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: so um hiya everyone! This isn't the first official oneshot for this thingy but I guess I just wanted to share a few things! I'll try to keep the a/n as short as possible but I'll probably end up blabbering nonsense ;-;**

 **so firstly, I usually write my haikyuu x reader oneshots based on people I know in real life. Like sometimes there are just people that come to me when I write about a specific person? I'm not sure if anyone else does this or I'm just weird but**

 **so some parts of the oneshot might be slightly more specific than usual. For example: when I was writing a suga x reader oneshot, the person who came to my mind was really scared of millipedes so I slipped that in (hohoho sliding i-)**

 **secondly, I do accept requests for characters (I probably won't get any lol), but no smut please ;-; currently I have written 2 suga x reader oneshots and 1 hinata x reader. Those will go up first :D**

 **lastly, here are some things you might need to survive and understand what I'm writing about (since my writing is horRIBLE ENOUGH ALREADY-)**

 **(F/N) – First name**

 **(L/N) – Last name**

 **(H/C) – Hair color**

 **(E/C) – Eye color**

 _ **I remember.**_ **– Thinking**

" **I remember." – Speaking**

 **I remember – Emphasising or author's note (I usually bold it)**

 **I'll add on to any chapter of the story if more of these inserts are required! (do I sound professional yet-) but these are all for now. (the first 2 oneshots were written last year so watch out for the cringe)**

 **So, yeah! I hope you enjoy my future oneshots that I'll post, and that people actually bother to read my content! (;-;) until next time! I love you!**

 **-Cloudy**


	2. Suga x Reader

**(N/N): nickname**

*Suga's point of view*

Remember that time I forced you to meet my friends? You didn't want to, but I made you anyway. You got really scared by everyone, and they teased you a lot. I felt bad, seeing you like that.

Embarrassed. Flustered.

I thought you'd be mad at me, but you weren't.

Remember that time I forgot you couldn't take spicy things, and made you eat spicy tofu with me on your birthday? I really thought you would enjoy it. You ended up screaming your head off, and drinking a LOT of water. I felt bad, seeing you like that.

Your eyes becoming shiny with tears. Bottles of water piling up around you. I thought you'd hate me for that, but you didn't.

Remember that time I couldn't meet up with you at the last minute, but forgot to tell you? You waited at the cinema for two and a half hours, I only remembered after, and rushed over. I felt bad, seeing you there. Tired. Your legs about to give out. I thought you'd be angry at me, but you weren't.

You've never gotten angry at me. Never said 'I told you so', you've been there for everything I did wrong.

I miss you now.

I shouldn't have let you leave. I shouldn't have let go so easily.

"London? On such short notice? You can't!"

"I have to. You know that."

Sighs.

"I'll miss you."

You smiled at me. I miss that.

"When you miss me, look at the stars. I'm not that far away. After all, I'm looking at the same set of stars as you."

I miss you, (F/N).

"What if I don't, (F/N)?"

"Koushi! You're so mean!"

You laughed. I haven't heard that in a while.

"Bye, Koushi."

*Suga's phone*

21 September

10.16 AM

"Safe flight (N/N)!"

"Don't call me that, horrible!"

"Call me when you get there OK?"

"I promise! I have to go now, see you!"

"Miss you, (N/N)!"

24 September

1.13 PM

"(N/N)? It's been a few days. I thought you said you'd call me? :("

"Annie are you mad?"

"oh did you find out that I drew all over one of your shirts? SORRY!"

25 September

5.36 PM

"I saw the news (N/N). The flight you were on crashed."

"They said no survivors."

"They're lying, right?"

"You can't be dead. (N/N) answer!"

26 September

9.57 PM

"They found your body, (N/N)."

"They found your phone too."

"You were writing a script."

"A script for you to say to me when you got back."

"You were going to propose to me."

10.03 PM

"Why didn't you wait, (N/N)?"

"It would have been funny to watch you stumble over your words."

10.06 PM

"I miss you, (F/N)."

"The stars don't seem as bright without you."

_"The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable."_

*Suga's point of view*

It was her death anniversary.

He picked up the flowers lying on the table.

His phone in his hand, the tears in his eyes.

"Good morning (F/N)! I'm going to visit you now, OK?"

Open door, busy road. He seemed to be floating, unaware of his surroundings.

"Almost there, (F/N)!"

The screech of tyres. Brown eyes looking up.

His mind screamed at him, screaming pain. He didn't feel anything at all.

Red blood. Closing eyes.

One last message.

"See you soon, (N/N)."

_Sugawara Koushi. Last seen today at 11.26 AM_

•

His phone vibrated.

"Look up, Koushi."

He did.

Her figure stood not far away.

Her smile lighting up everything around her.

"It wasn't your time yet, Koushi."

"I missed you."

"That really isn't an excuse. I missed you too though."

Small sigh.

"I told you to watch the stars Koushi."

"They didn't seem as pretty without you (N/N)."

"Don't call me that! Horrible."

Laughter.

Her hand in his.

"Come on Koushi."

He stood up.

_"Let's go home."_

 **AN: hello there friends! I wrote this last year so it's really cringey but I wanted to post it in order of what I wrote soooooo**

 **Ye sorry if it was bad I was 12 when I wrote this and I was rEALLY cringey but rn im really tired and I want to sleep so good night everyone! Until next time! I love you!**

 **~cloudy**


	3. Hinata x Childhood friend! Reader

***** Hina's POV *****

 _Didn't you make a promise?_

"Shoyou! You're so mean!"

Two small children, racing around the garden.

The boy, laughing.

The girl, pouting.

"Stop running! You're too fast!"

She was panting now.

"Promise me something then!"

"What?"

"You'll marry me when we're older."

"Shoyou! You're disgusting!"

The boy laughed.

"I'm not stopping!"

The girl groaned, her hair whipping around her.

"Fine! But if you're as silly next time I won't! Also, don't be so fast!"

The boy laughed, stopping.

The girl fell to the ground, her chest rising up and down rapidly.

"You're annoying, Shoyou."

The boy laughed, the orange locks around his head moving as the wind blew.

The whispers of the wind, the laughter of the children.

"Love you too, (F/N)."

Blue sky, white clouds.

 _I miss you, (F/N)._

•

 _I thought you'd wait for me._

If we skip a few years, we see the same girl and boy, both much older now.

The girl, lying on her bed. Her phone in her hand.

The boy, sitting on the ground. A volleyball in his lap.

"Shoyou?"

His eyes come to life.

His smile as bright as the sun.

"I like someone, Shoyou."

A stab in his heart.

A blow to his head.

He forced a laugh.

A smile to make it more convincing.

"Who is it, (F/N)?"

"Silly! Obviously I'm not going to tell you!"

She laughed a little, the sheets shifting under her.

He laughed along too.

The sting in his eyes, the pain in his heart.

Open window, white curtains.

 _Love you lots, (F/N)._

•

A few years slip by.

The door slams.

The girl is alone in her room.

She's finding it hard to breathe.

Her lungs feel like it's clogging up.

Choking her.

The wind whispers by.

"Shoyou."

She chokes into the phone.

The world is spinning.

She feels like she's floating.

Things are fading.

She manages to choke out a word.

"Pneumonia."

Her lungs are bursting, she ran from the hospital.

Closing eyes, her hair blocking her vision.

Blue sheets, white pillow.

 _Help me, Shoyou._

•

 _You promised me, (F/N)._

A few months.

The boy is 23 years old.

The girl a few months younger.

The girl is in the hospital now.

Her breathing laboured.

A white blanket covers her body.

A drip attached to her arm.

"(F/N)!"

The boy walks in, his eyes shining.

His hair seemed brighter, he looked taller.

"I miss you, (F/N)."

He laughed a little.

A small sigh.

The girl was silent.

"My volleyball game went well."

He grinned.

The girl smiled weakly back.

Her hair a (small/big) contrast to the white pillowcase.

Her face a pale white.

Her eyes dull.

"Shoyou, I-"

A gasp.

Coughing.

The pulse monitor speeding up.

"(F/N)? What's wrong?"

She knows.

She knows her time is almost up.

That's what the doctors were whispering about.

 _"She won't live a day longer."_

 _"Her time is up."_

 _"She was a lost cause when we got her anyway."_

"I'll get the Doctor."

"Shoyou."

She grabs his hand with what little strength she had.

 _Don't._

Her eyes sting now.

"Shoyou. Remember when we were seventeen? I told you I liked someone."

Coughs.

The boy felt his pocket.

"I wrote a letter."

White envelope. Messy handwriting.

"Please give it to him."

Hinata Shoyou felt like he had been shot.

The sting in his his eyes. The pierce in his heart.

Forced laughter.

Fake smiles.

 _The boy and the girl. The girl crying. The boy's arm around her._

"Don't cry. It's not your fault."

The girl hid her face in his chest. The tears flying down her face.

The boy's face becoming red.

His heart quickening.

He told himself it was nothing.

He pushed it down.

 _The boy and the girl, younger this time._

The girl, laughing her head off.

The boy, clutching his stomach.

"You're so funny, Shoyou!"

The boy stopping to catch his breath.

His heart felt like it had stopped.

His eyes kept flickering back to the girl.

He told himself it was nothing.

He shoved it away.

One memory stayed the longest.

 _The boy running ahead of the girl_ _._

"Promise me! You'll marry me when we're older!"

It wasn't nothing.

He should have realised it sooner.

Sooner than that day.

Sooner than two years ago.

 _Hinata Shoyou was in love with his best friend._

The girl sighed, before she started coughing again.

Closing eyes, slower breaths.

The pulse monitor slowing down.

Her hands.

One on the pillow.

The other in his.

"Thanks for always being there for me, Shoyou."

The boy gripped her hand. He wasn't ready to let go.

She was slipping away.

Water dripping out of his hand.

"Thank you for being there. When times were the roughest."

"Thank you for all the memories that we've made together."

Her pillow was wet.

His heart felt like it was about to burst.

"Thanks for being my best friend, Shoyou."

"I'll miss you."

Coughing. Tears running down her face.

"I'll miss you too, Sho-"

She stopped.

One last breath.

 _Inhale._

 _Exhale._

The monotone pulse monitor.

The sudden shudder.

Her limp hand.

White pillow, closed door.

(F/N) was gone.

•

The boy walked out the room, letting the nurses and doctor stream in.

Hinata Shoyou was crying.

 _"Thanks for being my best friend, Shoyou."_

"Best friend."

He repeated her words.

He pulled the box out of his pocket.

"Just friends, aren't we."

He crumpled the letter.

The box contained a ring.

 _"You'll marry me when we're older!"_

"You promised me, didn't you (F/N)?"

He leaned against the wall.

"I love you, (F/N)."

Since the day they met.

The box in the trash. His body out the hospital.

And even though his name meant the sun, Hinata Shoyou felt as if all the light in his life had been taken away.

 _But his best friend didn't love him back._

 **AN: Hellooooo! Sorry again if this was cringey, again, this was written last year. I got some super nice reviews from the previous chapter! TYSM! People actually think my angst from last year was sad? I'm? Shook? Anyways, sorry if my description of how pneumonia feels like is incorrect, my friend just told me a brief description of how it felt like when she was younger. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense! For those hoping for fluff, the next 2 oneshots are still angst sorry lol.**

 **I hope this was ok! Until next time! ILY!**

 **-cloudy**


	4. Light (Suga x Reader)

Light and warmth. (Soulmate Au)

(you have glasses in this and you are scared of millipedes.)

*(F/N)'s POV*

Her braids hung beside her ears, her eyes set straight ahead.

The faint sounds children screaming, running around at the playground.

Smiles on their faces, timers on their hands.

 _Don't break now, (F/N)._

The girl, her figure sitting on the ground, the green surrounding her.

Away from the others.

Her face was small, her arms crossed.

"Why are you sitting alone here?"

Quick voice, soft eyes.

The boy's brown eyes stared at her.

The girl stared back.

"Why aren't you playing?"

 _Don't let the tears fall now, (F/N)._

The girl instinctively covered her left arm.

She looked away.

"Just go."

He continued to watch her, the wind blowing past them.

"What's wrong with your clock?"

She froze. Her grip around her arm becoming tighter.

"Nothing's wrong with it."

"You're lying."

The boy reached out his arm, and tugged at hers.

"You're timer's at zero?"

The girl stood up. She could feel herself about to cry again.

His hand in hers.

"I'm not going to laugh."

She looked at him.

His grey hair, his small figure.

 _Can you trust him, (F/N)?_

"My clock's always been at zero. The other children laugh. They say no

one will love me. They say I'm abnormal."

She tore her arm away.

The tears in her eyes, the pain in her heart.

"You can trust me."

 _Are you sure, (F/N)?_

"You don't have to cry anymore. I'll be here."

 _Here? For how long?_

"My name is Sugawara Koushi."

"I'm (F/N) (L/N)."

Short pause, the girl slowly looking up.

"Don't cry anymore. Smile! Like this!"

The boy grinned.

The girl laughed.

"You'll be my friend, right?"

"Of course!"

"Promise you'll never leave? Promise you'll never laugh at me?"

"Promise!"

The wind in their hair, their laughter mixed together.

White clouds, blue sky.

•

 _Me not having a timer doesn't mean I'm lesser than everyone else._

When one is born, there is a timer located on the lower part of your left arm.

The numbers start high, counting down till the numbers reach zero.

 _"Where are her numbers, Doctor?"_

 _"What's wrong with your timer?"_

 _"Zero? It's never counted down? You mean you don't have a soulmate?"_

 _"I thought the people whose clocks are broken are from hell, that's why no one was made for them!"_

 _"What a freak."_

 _"No one will ever love you."_

 _Are soulmates the only things people care about?_

 _The numbers have surrounded me all my life._

 _People ask me, laugh at me, mock me._

 _Some people stopped to ask if I was fine, how I was feeling._

 _No one really stopped forever._

 _It's fine though._

 _So what if I don't have someone made for me?_

 _So what if I don't have a soulmate?_

 _I have Koushi.__

 _He's always been there for me, and he'll never leave._

 _He promised me._

 _He promised me that he'll fight off the bullies._

 _He promised me he'll be my light when times were the darkest._

 _My timer didn't mean anything to him._

 _He promised he'll make me feel happy when the world was against me._

 _I know that he will stay with me._

 _I trust him._

 _And he's all that I need._

 _ **You've loved him your whole life (F/N), but what if he never loved you back?**_

•

Her hair let down, flowing below her shoulders.

(Colour of glasses) glasses balanced on her nose.

The girl, her face no longer full of confusion, but more mature.

The boy, also slightly older.

His eyes, more understanding.

His figure, slightly taller than the girl.

"Koushi?"

Her phone in her hand, her eyes on him.

The boy turned from desk, brown eyes meeting her gaze.

"Yes?"

"What's it like to have a timer, Koushi?"

He looked down at his arm.

He knew.

He knew she was asking because she knew she would never have a timer.

Somewhere deep inside her mind.

Something hacking at her from the inside.

The fact that she didn't have a soulmate digging into her brain.

Slight pain in her heart.

Flicker of her eyes.

"It's nothing much, really."

He looked at her, soft smile forming on his face.

Wind blowing through the open window, ruffling his hair.

"There's a slight twinge at times, but nothing else."

He looked down at his clock, the girl staring at it too.

 _03:04:05:27:47:17_

 _It's getting closer._

 _He won't leave you, (F/N)._

 _It's the test now, (F/N)._

 _If he really did love you, he would stay._

 _Out of pity?_

 _Do you really want to hold him back, (F/N)?_

The girl looked up, the boy staring at her.

Her face heating up.

"Stop staring at me, horrible."

Slight laughter, turning away.

 _.Don't forget now, (F/N)._

The boy's back facing her.

Her eyes on her clock _._

 _00:00:00:00_

 _My soulmate isn't Koushi. It never was._

 _Don't forget now, (F/N)._

Tears in her eyes.

Wind in her hair.

 _Koushi has someone made for him. That's what keeps you from him loving you back._

Silent cry, fake smiles.

3 years, 4 months, 5 weeks, 27 hours, 46 minutes, 48 seconds.

•

 _Wednesday, 21 June_

Soft music, hot tea.

The girl, 21 year's old.

The boy, turning in a few months.

"Horrible millipede! I was walking and it just appeared right there!"

The boy laughed.

Soft eyes, quick heart.

The girl could feel her face heating up, her heart beating faster.

(F/N) was in love with Sugawara Koushi.

It wasn't a big deal, really.

He was good looking, she'd admit.

Caring too.

 _He was everything that she needed._

He seemed distant.

His eyes, blank.

His hands, trembling.

"Koushi?"

His eyes flicked back to her, his face apologetic.

"Sorry. You were saying?"

His hair billowed as the door opened.

"What's wrong, Kou-"

Her heart stopped, her mind blank.

 _His timer._

 _62 seconds._

"Should I be feeling nervous?"

He looked around, rubbing his arms.

He stood up, pacing a little.

 _50 seconds._

Fake smiles, small laughs.

"If you're this nervous you'll scare them, horrible."

 _He's going to leave you, Andrea._

 _He'd never._

 _36 seconds._

The boy, walking to the window, looking out.

Heart quickening, sharp breaths.

 _I should be happy for him._

 _27 seconds._

 _That he's finally meeting the one that was made for him._

 _25 seconds._

"God I'm scared."

He ruffled his hair, his eyes shining.

Empty laughs, cold hands.

 _19 seconds._

 _Me not having a timer doesn't make me lesser than anyone else._

She looked up at the boy.

 _It does do something though._

 _14 seconds._

"What do you think they're like?"

The girl shrugged, forcing a smile.

 _Don't let the tears fall yet, (F/N)._

 _12 seconds._

 _I trusted him._

 _He told me that he'd never leave me._

 _10 seconds._

 _But no matter how hard I try, he'll never love me back._

 _9 seconds._

 _Everyone's waiting for someone._

 _I wish I had Koushi._

 _I should have treasured the minutes I had with him, when he was still with me._

 _5 seconds._

 _I can't make him stay._

 _I know I can't._

 _3 seconds._

She felt small again.

Small when she didn't know anything.

Small when they laughed at her.

 _2 seconds._

 _He has someone better now, right?_

 _1 second._

 _Trust him now, (F/N)._

 _0 seconds._

 _Trust him that he won't leave you forever._

Opening door, light steps.

His eyes shot to the door.

A tall girl, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail.

She saw him.

Slight twitch.

The girl looked at her arm, her eyes

widening.

A sting in her eyes, a pain in her heart.

Koushi walked up to her.

Small smile, his hand in hers.

"I guess we're soulmates, aren't we?"

Heads turning, small gasps.

People in the café turned to look at them.

A few of them smiled warmly, happy for them.

Some clapped, soon the noise was all around her.

Suffocating the tears that were threatening to spill.

Drowning out the sobs that were ringing in her head.

The girl blushed, her big eyes staring up at her Koushi.

 _He never was yours in the first place._

She remembered when it felt like it.

When the world revolved around his laugh, his smile.

When her world revolved around the trust, the safety.

Now everything was gone.

She tried desperately to grab them back. The things she loved.

She tried to grasp the wisps of laughter, the feeling of being loved, of being in love.

There was nothing but darkness.

She stood up.

The people in the café were the children in the playground.

Their mixed voices the mockery she had suffered.

His laughter now taunting her, his warmth fading away from her cold, cold world.

"I should go."

There was no reply for her, his eyes and ears only aware of the other girl.

Quick steps, fading light.

(F/N) finally let the tears fall, for there was no one in her world to see her.

She could finally express herself, with no worries of anyone watching her.

But now, there wasn't anyone to comfort her either.

His light went out.

•

(F/N) was not one to let her heart rule her head.

She had known for the longest time that the day would come, where Koushi would be ripped away from her.

When whatever she had believed in would be gone forever.

That his warmth would disappear.

Still, for all those years, she didn't let the thought consume her.

She let the warmth and light, flood her world.

His warmth something that she had never experienced before.

(F/N) knew that she would be able to live on without him.

That she could continue with her job, and get a promotion in at least 2 months' time.

Her head told her to forget him.

Now that he had a soulmate, he would no longer aid her.

He would no longer stay up with her on the phone to keep her company.

He would no longer continue to help her with her stress, or make food for her when she was overworked.

Her head told her that remembering him would only bring more pain.

But something tugged at her.

(F/N) tried to ignore it, her ears trying to stifle the other noise, to stop crying and continue on with the day, for she had work to be done.

She tried to turn away, to go back into the cold that she was so used to when he wasn't around.

It pulled her back.

It pulled her mind back 15 years, to when Koushi stood before her on the green, her back to the tree.

It pulled her back to when Koushi stood by her side, fending off the bullies.

It pulled her back to when he brought light and warmth, just for her.

It pulled her back when there was safety, and comfort.

 _The light seems welcoming._

And for once, (F/N) listened to her heart.

Her heart reminded her of everything Koushi had done for her.

Her heart reminded her of the promises and secrets they had.

Her heart reminded her of the light, of happiness.

Her heart reminded her of the quickening of her heart whenever he was around. When her cheeks would heaten when he smiled at her.

Her heart reminded her of her love.

And she realised.

Koushi brought the warmth and light into her world.

When he was happy, there was warmth.

 _He's not with you anymore stupid, what's there to be happy about?_

 _But Koushi is happy. He's experiencing the things I could never give him, and he's finally with the one that was made for him_

 _He will forget you._

 _But he has brought so much light, and warmth and happiness into my world. I shouldn't ask for anything more._

She was reminded of the flutters, the tingling in her heart when he smiled at her.

 _But when he is happy, there is warmth._

 _I might not be the one giving him his happiness…_

She stopped, letting the tears well up in her eyes once more, the shining crystals in her eyes falling down as happiness, laughter and warmth.

She felt the light fade, and there was only her in the dark void.

But there was Koushi, and he would always be there.

She felt light, and there was happiness.

There were tears and there was joy.

That was the world she was going to be in, one day.

 _But, one day, I will be with him again._

 _Away from the dirty world that revolves around the timers on our arms._

 _Away from the darkness I have been kept in._

 _Away from our Earth and up in the sky._

 _Where there will be light, and I will have warmth_.

She would wait until then.

She made a promise to herself, and she was not one to break her promises.

" _Don't cry anymore! Smile, like this!"_

She breathed, the tears blurring her vision.

The darkness shrouded her once more, but now, there was hope.

At the end, there was light.

At the end, she would make running though her hell which she called life all worth it.

For there was Koushi, and he was all that she needed.

 _If he's happy, I will be too._

epilogue

 _(f/n) did get a promotion in less than 2 months, like what she predicted. she continued to work harder than ever, and eventually was the head doctors in one of the most prestigious hospitals in japan. however, gossip in the workplace was much worse than she had ever imagined. after 4 years of being taunted, disgraced and mocked, (f/n) was unable to take it anymore, and slit her wrists. koushi was at her side when she took her final breaths, he was too late to save her. finally, she was light, and there was happiness and hope, surrounding her. but even in the cool air and the wispy cloud, she knew something was missing. koushi married his soulmate a few years after (f/n)'s death, and even though she brought him much happiness, he was unable to shake the memories of (f/n), and the happiness she had brought unto him. many years later, he joined (f/n). when he looked up, he couldn't believe it was her. for now there were stars in her eyes, and happiness in her laugh. her arm had no black markings on them, the clock was erased. and they both knew, that she was finally satisfied. for there was no timer, and there was koushi, and he was all she needed._

 **AN: WEW THIS TOOK A WHILE TO EDIT SO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! Finally something I wrote this year so hopefully not as cringey? Let me know if I improved! Reader insert is based off my best friend, I love her! She's really scared of millipedes and even though I can't interpret her thinking, hopefully I'm able to understand her better now! Well until next time! I hope you liked this and next up is Angst! Nishinoya x Reader!**

 **Until next time! ILY!  
-Cloudy**


	5. secret (nishinoya x reader)

secret

she sat down quietly, the rough pages of the notebook in the crisp air rustling slightly. her hands were shaking, the pen she was holding unable to keep still.

 _maybe i shouldn't._

she did it anyway. a letter to him.

maybe she just wanted to say what was truly in her heart, for the first and last time, forever.

 _hi there, noyanoya! it's me, short-ass punk, worst girl, worse than a kick down there, gari-gari kun thief, the one and only, (F/N L/N)! no, this isn't a confession letter, pervert. i just needed to get something out of my system. i guess i could have called you, but it's 3am, and i don't want to mess up your sleep schedule just for me. i really want to tell you, that i'm so, so grateful for all the times that you've stood by me, when you caught me when i fell (literally as well haha) and just being there for all the times that i've needed someone to hold onto._

 _remember back in junior high, when we played a prank on that one substitute teacher? you know, the one with the funny tie and strange striped glasses? remember when we put that bucket of glitter at the door and it showered on him when he walked in? we had to apologise in front of the whole school, but seeing your face light up (and the teacher covered in glitter of course) made it all worth it._

 _do you remember all the way back to elementary school, after you made that promise that you'd protect me with your life? (more like with your stick)_

 _when that girl, megan i think, made me cry, you chased her around with this stick you found until she promised to stop teasing me about my spotted shoelaces. sometimes i wonder how you even got that stick to scare her, (it was probably a branch now that i think about it) or why you were so bothered by her teasing my ugly spotted shoelaces. nevertheless, she never did come back to make fun of me, your methods maybe aren't that bad after all._

 _how about back in high school, when i made a banner for you in that volleyball match. it was terrible, you'd know. i purposely drew you in such an unflattering manner, and you'd turn bright red when i shouted your name and pointed at it. you did win though, and i like remembering that you won because you didn't want to be more embarrassed than you already were._

 _thank you for all the happy memories, thank you for being my friend, for bringing light into my world when i needed it the most, and for letting our stories intertwine. before i move on, i need to tell you something._

 _i think you'd have figured out by now that this is a suicide note._

 _there isn't anything you can do by the time you get it._

 _my roommate will come back from drinking, late as always. she will be the first one to find me._

 _i will be taken to the hospital where my mother will be called, and the note will be passed to your room the next morning at your college._

 _please, don't be upset. i don't want to watch your beautiful smile get slapped off your face. besides, you have her, don't you? she will comfort you. she loves you, and you love her._

 _before you go, can i apologise for something?_

 _yuu,_

 _i'm sorry._

 _i haven't been the good friend that i promised to be._

 _you see, i've lied to you. i've tricked you, and i've kept secrets from you._

 _remember when you announced that you finally got a girlfriend? remember how i told you that i was happy for you, and how i teased you about it?_

 _i was lying._

 _i was hurt._

 _i thought that after so many years of being my friend, you'd finally catch the drift that i was there too, and that i really did like you more than a friend. at the time, i wondered why. why were you so stupid, why did she get to be the one who made you happy? why couldn't it be me?_

 _i'm too selfish for my own good._

 _i always thought that you were better than her, that you deserved more, even if that person wasn't me._

 _you never saw the strange looks she gave me when i tagged along for lunch, or when i continued calling your name with no honorifics. you never really knew what was happening. but that's all in the past, she definitely has changed for the better. now that you're moving in with her, i'm happy for you, i really am. she's everything that you need, and i'm okay with that._

 _i hope you remember that when i'm gone._

 _enough about her._

 _remember when i told you i got a boyfriend? that guy in high school, his voice still rings in my ears, the effect he had on me was lasting. i was hoping that i'd get a reaction out of you. jealousy, anger, shock. i was desperate. desperate for your attention, for your love, something i would never get._

 _too desperate._

 _when you nodded and smiled, said you were happy for me, i was stunned. i didn't know how to react, and i was hurt._

 _didn't you get it? this is my way of getting you to notice me. i was doing this to make you jealous, to make you realise that i really did like you too. were you that dumb to not realise?_

 _it's something I would have said a few years ago. but after we started drifting apart, i learned to control myself. that there were some things that i couldn't tell you, that there were some secrets that would stay that way forever, even though you were my best friend, and that a long time ago, we swore to tell each other everything._

 _he didn't treat me well. i found out sooner than later._

 _he was controlling, rude and unreasonable._

 _he threatened to spread rumours about me and have me kicked out of school should i break up with him._

 _he threatened to do many, many things to me._

 _i wasn't afraid of most of his empty threats, they were just words after all._

 _you might ask why didn't i leave him earlier, why didn't i tell somebody._

 _but there was one thing he said that scared me._

 _he told me that if i left him, he would destroy my friendship, disclose bluntly what my true feelings were._

 _for who, you might ask._

 _Yuu, it was you._

 _i didn't want to ruin your relationship that you were already so deeply invested in._

 _i didn't want to ruin the friendship that we had, but was slipping away so quickly already._

 _so i bore with him._

 _i listened to him and never tried to retaliate, always in fear that he might do something to you._

 _i didn't want him to hurt you and your happiness._

 _it wasn't until the end of high school that i finally broke up with him._

 _i cut him out of my life._

 _i thought that college was finally the time to break free, start anew and strengthen our bonds again._

 _when i did, i was hoping to turn around to see you, happy for me, proud of me for being brave._

 _i was hoping that you remembered me during this time that he forced me to cut you out._

 _but you didn't._

 _you were so busy, occupied with finding a place to stay for college, trying to help her and yourself with your studies too._

 _when i saw you laughing along with her, your faces alight, your eyes holding all the stars in the world, i wondered._

 _was this really all worth it?_

 _was being the background character in your story something worth fighting for?_

 _or should i give up now, not mention anything to you, silently accept my fate._

 _the only thing keeping me alive was hope that i clung onto like a tightrope, high above the ground._

 _i chose the latter._

 _i thought that if i stayed quiet, at the end, you wouldn't blame me for anything, the only things connecting us at the end was the first part of our stories that intertwined so deeply._

 _but yuu, it's ok._

 _i don't blame anyone for anything, neither do I blame her for loving you nor the boy that smothered the fire inside me._

 _why, you might ask then, did i kill myself._

 _i couldn't take the secrets i was hiding anymore._

 _my parents who have always been fighting recently got a divorce. with my death, hopefully they will be reunited again. it's not like i have the will to live anymore, it's for the better. i've run into too many money problems recently, i can't see a future for myself after college. i always thought since the very beginning that you would be here, with me. the future is near and i don't have anything, and everyday it becomes more and more difficult to get up and think of a reason to live._

 _long ago, that reason was you._

 _now, it still is, but it becomes weaker by the day._

 _at the end of this note, you might wonder._

 _you still kept in contact with me after you got your girlfriend, you didn't cut yourself from my world entirely._

 _but it wasn't really the same anymore, was it?_

 _you were so invested in your relationship, we couldn't have a conversation where the topic of her would come up, or when we would be interrupted by her phone call._

 _i was thankful when you just dropped me a message, just a small reminder._

 _my heart would soar when you just turned to look at me, when you'd smile up at me during a volleyball match back in high school, or when you'd acknowledge me in the halls between classes._

 _but i was tired._

 _my heart needed to stop telling me things that would never come true._

 _as we near the end of this note, i want to tell you something._

 _after all this while, do i blame you?_

 _the answer is no._

 _i was dumb and immature to think that a childhood friendship would last forever, and that it could move on to anything other than friendship. it was about time that we found our own happiness. i was hopeless enough to pin my happiness on you._

 _you're smart, yuu, despite what others may tell you. keep playing volleyball, you do the thing that you love the most._

 _keep loving her, stay loyal._

 _stay happy, stay pure._

 _please don't let anyone wipe that smile off your face._

 _do i still consider you my best friend, someone i would drop everything and do anything for?_

 _i do, noyanoya. i have all this while._

 _and, a secret i've never told you before?_

 _i'm sure you've heard it a million times throughout this note, i wasn't that subtle. you would've caught the drift by now, but i'll only say it once, direct and honest._

 _no shortcuts or synonyms._

 _nishinoya yuu._

the girl paused, the tears streaming down her face, her heart hurting more than ever.

the window to her fifth storey apartment was inviting, the wind whistling past her ears, as if calling her to join it, after this long, long time. after this race that she called life, she wanted to stop running, she finally gave in.

 _i loved you._

 _Signing off for the last time,_

 _your best friend._

 _(F/N) (L/N)._

she was gone.

it wasn't long before he himself received the note, after the news that she was dead.

as the tears pooled up in his eyes, he began to read…


End file.
